Stages of Grief






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   When When we suffer a loss the first reaction, usually, is denial and shock; disbelief. That's why one often feel a sense of numbness. The pain comes later often  a day after the loss.  My Mother's cat, Cassie recently left for heaven after 15 years. The day Cassie had to be put down Mother thought she was ok with Cassie's passing but within a couple of days she was in wrenching pain.  Perhaps this is our body's way of putting us into a survival mode, if you will, to bear what is at times unbearable.
​The question comes how could one possibly be angry at our beloved pet that died? Logically it makes no sense, but remember we our dealing with feelings of loss. It is very normal to feel betrayed, left behind, destered. Don't worry this anger shall pass. However, don't be surprised if we became angry at other well meaniing people in our lives. Often times one way of coping with these feelings is to journal about them.  Anger is like a cleansing rain, if you will, for the rawness in our soul. Anger is a normal and necessary response when we suffer loss, it is okay, really it is. 
   This is perhaps the least understood stage of grief yet everyone in the grief process experinces it. How can I as your Chaplain explain it. I am remembering now of a woman whose husband had been killed in a horrific accident. She was in such grief she had irrationally convinced herself that if she prayed hard enough The Lord would resurrect her husband from the grave.  This may be an extreme example but this is often the route bargaining takes. If we pray hard enough God will bring our beloved back.   A point I want to make now about all the stages is that we move in and out and in no particular order even though I have listed them in a order. How long do we greive? A Pastor I was had answered this with a rich simplicity, " we greive as longs as it takes", said The Rev. Marge Rogano. 

   It has been said and certainly written about that the state of depression is perhaps the deepest level of grief. Life feels like a empty shell, as if one has entered a strange land filled with others that have no idea what we are experiencing.  How long will this last we often ask the question to The Creator if in fact we are still speaking to God. "How could God let this happened", we rumble to the heavens? Try to know in your deepest place, that this is a common response to such a grief. The depression will pass. As I have written before with the other stages check in with your medical care expert. Perhaps some treatment even in the short term would be advisable. 
   One day it can come quite unexpectedly one realizes the pain isn't so bad anymore.  It's not that one forgets no not ever.  Peace comes into the heart and maybe a smile replaces the tear. That's okay, my friends, it finally time for healing.  Time for love again. My wish is that no one shuts up the door to the heart but opens it again to love another.  Your heart will go on.ectly

My Sweet Jessica 1995-2013
Angelica Allison 2005- 2011, "My Sweetie"
Please know that it gets better.  Please call me @ 205-643-1883 or The Suicide Prevention Line @ 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)